"I feel lost in life. What should I do?"

There are a lot of reasons why someone might feel lost. Often this takes time to uncover in therapy – beyond what I’m able to share here.

However, there are at least three domains I can think of that might be impaired if someone is chronically feeling lost:

Humans are social creatures. We find meaning in our social relations¹. Most of us intuitively might know this. But we actually need each other to co-regulate². As kids (and adults), we need to be around others that help lift us and keep us emotionally grounded. We function best when we’re connected.

If you’re feeling lost in life, take an inventory of your relationships. Ask yourself:

• How’s my relationship with my significant other?
• How am I showing love to those I care about?
• How’s my relationship with my family?

Think about how you might strengthen important relationships in your life and take steps to do so.

Sometimes feeling lost and feeling lonely go hand in hand. If this is the case for you, I’d recommend reaching out to someone. It might be the hardest thing to do, especially when you’re feeling down. Chances are though, you’re not the only one feeling down.

If you reach out to someone with the intention of lifting them, you might find your own worries lifted as well. 

If we were to break the day out into thirds, we’d end up with 8 hour blocks. Say, 8 hours a day sleeping (hopefully), 8 hours a day working, and 8 hours a day to spend as we please.

If we’re not intentionally engaged in meaningful work, we risk squandering a significant portion of our lives – perhaps a third – doing something less than ideal. And, if we spend our lives doing something less than ideal, how can we expect our lives to amount to anything different?

“For, in the end, it is impossible to have a great life unless it is a meaningful life. And it is very difficult to have a meaningful life without meaningful work.”

-Jim Collins⁴

Meaningful work might be better conceptualized on a spectrum. Let’s for a moment imagine a staircase. At the top of the stairs, we have our life calling, if you will. And on the bottom, we have the notorious soul-crushing, dead-end job. The more we can climb up those steps towards meaningful work, the greater satisfaction we’ll find – and perhaps, the less lost we’ll feel. I’m not suggesting you up and quit your job; sometimes moving up that spectrum means finding meaning in the existing work you are already doing.

You’ll need to have a vision of what you want your life to be. People feel a sense of purpose when they believe that what they are doing now will help them realize their vision of their future selves. It is this connection between present activities and potential future outcomes that gives purpose⁶.

If you don’t have a direction for your life’s work, you risk becoming a victim to your circumstances – like a ship without a rudder. The Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland⁷ puts it this way:

Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?

The Cheshire Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.

Alice: I don’t much care where.

The Cheshire Cat: Then it doesn’t much matter which way you go.

Alice: …so long as I get somewhere.

The Cheshire Cat: Oh, you’re sure to do that, if only you walk long enough.

Sometimes meaningful work feels outside our reach for whatever reason. That doesn’t mean you can’t find meaning in other areas of your life as well. If you’re feeling lost, consider engaging in meaningful pursuits.

How might we find these meaningful pursuits? We can start with considering a time when you didn’t feel lost. What was different during that time? Perhaps you were doing things that you’ve since stopped. Or maybe there were things you weren’t doing that you’ve since started. Thinking on this might give you some insight into what you might change⁸.

Going back to the example of breaking our day into thirds – we really have a limited amount of time to spend as we please with all the demands of everyday life. Time is precious. We can spend it binge-watching Netflix⁹, or we might consider other activities that will make our lives richer.

Everyone has special interests that make them unique. But sometimes discovering those interests is the hard part. If you’re wondering what your interests are, start by considering what you liked to do as a kid. Or ask yourself, ‘Is there anything that I’ve always wanted to do, but just haven't?’

Finding hobbies and developing interests requires experimentation. Lately, I’ve been enjoying writing – something that hasn’t always been the case. I get to do something creative, organize my thoughts, and perhaps even help other people. I suppose the lesson is this: sometimes you won’t know until you try. The answer will be different for each person. Pursuing hobbies and developing those related skills not only can help provide meaning, but also relieve pressure when life feels overwhelming. Find something that stirs your soul, not just something that kills time.

To some extent, we all encounter feeling lost at some point. If you’re feeling completely hopeless, please don’t hesitate to reach out for help¹¹. Professional clinicians are trained to help you through this¹². Most everyone could use mental health counseling from time to time.

It’s ok to feel lost. This as an opportunity to learn about yourself. Rather than seeing ‘feeling lost’ as the problem itself, perhaps it’s a symptom of something else amiss in your life. Take time to learn what that is.

Evaluate your relationships, work and other pursuits and adjust as necessary: Make time to help people. Take care of your body. Find work you’re passionate about. Have a vision. Develop hobbies. And deepen your spirituality.

Balance is key. You don’t need to excel in all these areas all at once. Make small steps every day and soon you’ll look back on a meaningful life.